9 months in: reality bites!

It's been 9 months since I entered the so-called ~real world~ after coming back from my internship in Haiti. I am not quite sure whether the timeframe is a coincidence OR life's clever way of telling me that my youth has died and I have been reborn as a 9-to-5 replicant. Either way, allow me to paraphrase the 90's best young adult angst film, and proclaim: post-graduation blues (PGB) bites!

As I have expressed in previous posts, I was able to delay my PGB blues by leaving Toronto as soon as I finished my degree in May 2012 to go chill and work abroad. Much like death PGB finally caught up to me, as soon as I got back to Canada on December 2013.

Unlike death, though, PGB is not forever. Most of my friends and acquaintances seem to be very much over it or doing a great job at pretending they are. And after all, what is reality but our perception of it?

To clarify, my PGB has less to do with missing university as the institution and more with missing university as a space to meet like-minded people to befriend, date, casually chat, hate on, or network. I have yet to miss studying for exams or writing essays that would please my professors.

It is not uncommon for recent and not-so-recent graduates in my network and outside of it (new york times, buzzfeed, twitter, facebook, etc.) to complain about how hard it is to meet new people or keep in touch with old friends and acquaintances once you finish University. And this rings very true to me.

At university, I met most of my friends in residence, at house parties, and events or clubs on campus. I also met some of my friends in class.

After university I lived in New York for a summer and I was in intense travel mode all throughout. I met most people through couchsurfing, which made it easy to meet other people who were travelling, working there for the summer, or visiting. I actually made some really good friends on that trip but I can't exactly hang out with them, unless I am willing to drop upwards 500$ in flights and accommodation per visit.

I then went to live in France through a government-funded "Language Assistant" exchange program to teach English. Besides being in travel mode again, I was in a rural town of southwest france devoid of (cool) young people so everyone in the program, or at least most of us, became instant friends. There were people from all over the world and we somewhat keep in touch, I believe those who are still in the same general area in Europe see each other quite often. I will definitely go visit them!

In my last stop in Haiti, it was difficult to make friends because of security guidelines BUT because of the same guidelines, I would hang out with the same expats every week. Eventually we became friends. Maybe not lifelong friends but friends.

These 4 experiences (University, New York, France, and Haiti) have one thing in common in terms of socialization. The context almost forced me to hang out with people in a similar situation as me on a regular basis - whether they were students in Toronto, travellers in New York, language assistants in France, or expatriates in Haiti. This made it more likely to find friends and the occasional cute guys.

Now that I'm back here, it's different. I am often too tired to go out after work. I also live in a suburb far away enough from Toronto that it's inconvenient to go "downtown" unless I have solid plans. I do go out on the weekend but I tend to just hang out with my friends and I already know them! I guess I could make friends at work, and I have, I am lucky to have a great work environment with lots of people my age (note: LOL as if anyone would say otherwise online but I swear it's true). I am also outgoing enough that I get along well with most people at the office. However, I rather keep my work life separate from my weekend life.

Rebeca in Haiti V: Homeward-bound

Hmm... I didn't do that well at keeping up my blog, did I? In my defence, I do microblog every day.

I'm writing from Canada at the moment, during an official snow day, and with about 40cm of snow piled up at my doorstep. I've been "home" for about a month and somehow, my mind is still in Haiti. It has been quite a change to come back, and not just weather-wise -- which seems to be all that people want to comment on. Yes, I get it, Canada is so very very cold and Haiti is so very very warm.... Ha   Ha   Ha.

~temperature~

Anyways, the hardest thing to let go, has not the weather or the people, but the sense that I was doing something meaningful and interesting. Yes, I was only an intern there but I rarely felt that way. At the beginning of the new fiscal year in October, the staff was cut down considerably but the workload stayed the same.  This gave the interns (there were two of us) the opportunity to take on tasks that were beyond out of our respective experience and areas of expertise. However, I really enjoyed it. Of course, sometimes I could feel like I was being a little bit overworked... but I always felt like I could say no to a task. I did say no a couple of times. It was challenging. It was stimulating, I was learning a lot, and I felt valued. In the end, I am confident that I managed to make a contribution to the office where I was placed.

The novelty of being back has worn off now (sorry, friends and family). I often catch myself being restless, anxious and feeling as though I've gone backwards in my nascent career. Following a required 

debrief workshop from the Centre of Intercultural Effectiveness, I know that those feelings are normal symptoms of "reverse culture shock" but knowing it doesn't make me feel any better... 

I am employed, which is lucky, in the customer service dept. at WV. The work environment is great and sometimes I can't believe how nice and helpful everyone is. This makes me see myself staying there for a while, even if it's not part of my ~career path~. I do only work part time and in the evenings so ideally, I will be able to get a second 9 to 5 job that is more aligned to the type of work I want to do.

To be honest, I have no idea what the future holds, which is scarier than it is exciting. I am a planner and I have so many plans at this moment that I might as well have no plans. You feel me?

My default strategy to cope with uncertainty and stress is to leave. Going through the process of settling in a new place is always the same and so familiar to me, it gives me a great sense of security. I have thought about going away to do my masters or finding a job abroad but I don't think it's such a good idea at this time. 

I have a lot of things to deal with, fears to conquer, and money to save. I also need to learn how to drive! In order to do so, I am choosing, for maybe the first time in a while, to stay put in Toronto... 

Less of this

Canadian flag in France

A little more of this

OK I promise to stay put in Canada, at least. Moving to Montreal would be pretty cool. 

P.S. sorrynotsorry for all the introspective bull